Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's like heaven, but drunker
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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