Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
