After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
