Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
