8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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