Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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