dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
