Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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