so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
