I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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