Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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