it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
