10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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