I just saw a hot homeless man
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
