I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
