i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
