he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
