i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
