Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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