Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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