we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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