Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You can't special order awesome
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize