i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
