My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
