your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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