I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
