I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So much rum. So many feels.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
