I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
