You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
