I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
