like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
