My liver just broke up with me...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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