Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
