DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize