When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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