I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
