I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
