Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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