some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
