Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
