ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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