its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you win again, gameday.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
