apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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