I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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