This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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