dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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