She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize