I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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