She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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