I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
