physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
