the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
