Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
