Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can text with my tongue
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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