I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
