WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
