does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
