He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
