Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize