Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
