OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
