I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
