Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
