I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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