Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
