woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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