I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
