I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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