hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
