mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
