I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
