We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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