Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
