I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
