She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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