I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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